Interview with Yasuyo Kitamura, representative of Fuwasapo Kurashiki, a parents’ group for children who don’t attend school
Kitamura started a support group for parents of children who don’t attend school.
Here, she talks about how it got started and her thoughts on its activities.
How Fuwasapo Kurashiki, a parents’ group for children who don’t attend school, got started
What inspired you to start Fuwasapo Kurashiki?
Kitamura (surname only)
My daughter stopped going to school when she was in second grade.
I thought she would be able to go back to school soon, but that didn’t happen.
As I went around seeking advice, someone once told me, “Mothers have to smile.”
At the time, I thought, “Mothers go through hard times too, so I think it’s okay to cry. But if I have to smile when I attend a group, and I’m urged to keep trying as a mother, I feel like I’ll have even fewer places to turn.”
So I started the group because I thought it would be good to have a place where people are accepted as they are, where it’s okay to cry or feel however you feel.
What do you value in your discussion sessions?
Kitamura
Not being judgmental.
It’s a place where it’s okay for mothers to cry. We value accepting them completely, including their feelings.
At first, when a child stops going to school, mothers don’t know what to do, and their emotions go up and down.
But as they gradually open up and time passes, all the mothers begin to wonder, despite their struggles, whether it’s okay to stay as things are and whether they should respect their child’s wishes.
When that happens, I hope we can help mothers explore what they themselves want to do next, through activities that make use of their strengths.
Fathers sometimes come to the discussion sessions, too.
Sometimes fathers come on their own or as a couple. Some fathers are already accepting of their child’s situation, while others come because they don’t know what to do.
Compared with fathers who work outside the home, mothers often end up spending more time with their children.
At times like that, I hope fathers will be on the mother’s side so she doesn’t have to carry everything alone, and that they will continue to treat both the mother and child as they normally do.
As you’ve held more discussion sessions, what are your thoughts now?
Kitamura
I think it’s hard to seek advice when you’re worried that people might blame you because your child can’t go to school.
I think parents want to connect with others in the same situation, hear “I went through that too,” and have someone acknowledge them.
Looking back on my own experience, what helped most was being able to talk about being in the same situation and finding reassurance in meeting someone who was a little further along and could say, “This is what it was like for me”.
I wanted others to experience what I had felt, and I realized that was why I wanted to create a place like this.
So I’m always concerned about whether the people who come to the discussion sessions have been able to talk properly.
When a lot of new people attend a session, in particular, I sometimes feel that we need to make adjustments to how we run it.
As a follow-up, we make the LINE chat function available.
Bringing the group’s activities to people who can’t participate
You mentioned LINE, and I also get the impression that you put a lot of effort into sharing information through your official website and social media.
Kitamura
I’m always thinking about how to reach people who need support but haven’t yet found it.
When there are people who can’t come or participate, how can we get information about the sessions to them?
I think that people who can’t come to the group may be struggling as they focus all their attention on their children, and I hope we can reach them, even a little.
Some participants have told us they were able to come to our outreach discussion sessions because they were held in Hayashima or Tamashima.
I want people who come to the group to take home useful information, and I think that sharing it on social media may help it reach people who can’t attend, too.
We also try to compile and share information related to children not attending school online.
I visit the activities of various groups because there may be people who want to learn about them; it feels like I’m going on their behalf.
- LINE
Indeed, in addition to holding discussion sessions, you personally take part in the activities of various other groups.
Kitamura
Our group’s biggest vision is to create a community where people can raise children without becoming isolated.
When I thought about what we could do to achieve that, I felt that first of all, people needed to know that Fuwasapo Kurashiki exists.
When children can no longer go to school, their mothers become anxious. If it’s hard to get information at school, they may wonder what everyone else is doing.
Some people find discussion sessions intimidating, while others have a negative impression because they think they’re only for people whose children don’t attend school.
So I hope that letting people know about us, whether or not their child is out of school, will make it easier for them to come to us.
By collaborating with groups that support parents and children more broadly, not just those dealing with school nonattendance, we can help people learn about Fuwasapo Kurashiki. I hope mothers will think of us as a kind of good-luck charm.
It’s not exactly prevention, but rather letting people know about us before their child stops going to school, instead of only afterward.
Toward parenting without isolation
Could you tell us about parenting without isolation?
Kitamura
When I look back on raising my child, I remember trying so hard and feeling that I couldn’t talk to anyone.
Mothers who have been supported by others in raising their children since before giving birth are likely to be able to ask for help when something happens.
On the other hand, people who are trying to manage everything on their own, especially conscientious mothers, often find it hard to ask for advice, and end up carrying everything themselves and becoming isolated.
Thinking about it in light of my own experience, I felt that it’s better to be able to seek advice naturally from before giving birth than to wait until something happens.
Even at our discussion sessions, some conscientious mothers keep trying their hardest and say they’ve finally been able to talk.
I wondered whether they had no one around them they could talk to, so I began by helping people learn about Fuwasapo Kurashiki while building connections with groups that support people before and after childbirth.
So you mean creating a community where everyone can raise children together from the very beginning, not just when they start school?
Kitamura
That’s right.
On the other hand, if we’re talking specifically about children not attending school, I want to increase the number of people who understand children and parents in that situation.
Going to school may be considered the norm, but unless we create a culture that accepts that some children choose a different path, mothers will keep carrying everything themselves and become even more isolated.
When mothers keep trying to handle everything on their own, the relationship between parent and child can deteriorate.
I hope we can create a kinder society where people of all ages, from young people to the elderly, accept that not going to school can also be a way of life.
For now, they’re simply not going to school. It would be good if there were many different places and options, not just school.
Could you tell us about your plans for future activities?
Kitamura
Starting next fiscal year (Reiwa 5, 2023), we hope to begin by extending the discussion sessions and then create something like club activities, where people with particular strengths take the lead in activities that make use of those strengths.
Some people can talk even when there’s nothing in particular to do, but others can’t.
Sometimes, while working with their hands on something, they open up and say, “Actually…”
They can focus on keeping their hands busy without having to say anything.
I think it would also be good to have a space where they can enjoy time for themselves, away from their children.
I also think it might be good to have a place where people who have experienced not attending school can talk about their experiences.
Mothers may have ideas about what they want their children to do, but they rarely get the chance to hear what their children actually thought.
People who have experienced not attending school can deepen their self-understanding by expressing themselves, while mothers can listen to their children’s stories. I think it could benefit both.
From the Writer
Throughout our conversation, I felt Kitamura’s strong commitment to finding ways to ensure that parents and guardians don’t have to struggle alone.
Kitamura says that now, as society moves toward greater diversity, she sometimes feels that it may be wrong to lump together children who can’t go to school and focus on that as a single issue.
Even so, people who are struggling can’t come together unless we raise the banner of school nonattendance. Without it, they won’t know what to do, so I intend to keep raising that banner without wavering.
The way she brought her story to a close left a strong impression on me.
Looking at the basic guidelines issued by the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology following the 2017 enactment of the Act on Securing Educational Opportunities, they state that care should be taken not to regard school nonattendance itself as problematic behavior.
While there is a movement to expand options for learning outside school, many parents and guardians of this generation were taught that going to school is the norm. I think many feel anxious or worried when their children don’t go to school.
I hope we can create a society that accepts a wide range of choices, both for children and parents or guardians who are struggling because the children can’t go to school and for those who are not.
About Fuwasapo Kurashiki, a parents’ group for children who don’t attend school
| Organization name | Fuwasapo Kurashiki, a parents’ group for children who don’t attend school |
|---|---|
| Representative | Yasuyo Kitamura |
| Year established | 2019 |
| Address | 180 Sasaoki, Kurashiki City |
| Website | Fuwasapo Kurashiki, a parents’ group for children who don’t attend school |
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