When a child has a disability or developmental concerns, parenting can become very anxiety-inducing.
- Not knowing how to raise the child
- No one to consult with
There may be parents who feel crushed by these thoughts every day.
In the case of mothers, there are instances where they create communities with other mothers at therapy centers or schools and manage to alleviate their concerns. However, when considering fathers, one might wonder, "Can they handle it as well as women do...?"
The author is also a father raising a child with developmental disabilities. There are no other fathers in similar situations around me. Every day, I find myself accumulating things I want to say.
An event I came across during such times is the Consultation and Discussion Space for Fathers "Usagi Shokudo". It was held on August 3, 2024 (Saturday), so I went right away.
What is the Consultation and Discussion Space for Fathers "Usagi Shokudo"?
The Consultation and Discussion Space for Fathers "Usagi Shokudo" (hereafter referred to as Usagi Shokudo) is a night café where fathers raising children with disabilities or developmental concerns can drink, eat, and talk with male supporters.
The event on August 3, 2024, was not the first occurrence; it has been held every two months at "Minna no Ouchi Haru House" in Mizushima.
The consultation space at Usagi Shokudo is exclusively for fathers and male supporters, without women present. It is defined by the shared experience of raising children with disabilities or developmental concerns.
The female staff of the event organizer, Certified NPO Parent Support Step, prepares everything and then steps out. They join for the last 15 minutes or so.
It is a space where even first-time participants can join without hesitation, serving as a peer support space for fathers.
On August 3, it was held differently as a "Snack Edition" at "Okayama Candy" near JR Kurashiki Station.
Supporters
There are three male supporters at Usagi Shokudo.
- Masafumi Ikawa: Administrator of a multifunctional facility (living assistance, after-school day service) "Kotonohana"
- Shoichi Sato: Director of the employment transition support facility "irodori"
- Masaki Inoue: Representative of "Minna no Ouchi Haru House"
These three have participated in previous Usagi Shokudo events and are true experts. They ensure that even fathers attending for the first time can feel comfortable in the space.
Easily Integrating Even for First-Time Participants
The participants of the Usagi Shokudo held this time totaled 11 people. I was attending for the first time.
I knew about Usagi Shokudo, but I thought, "It's a bit far from my home in Okayama City to Mizushima where it is usually held."
I don't know if others shared the same thought, but there was another first-time participant besides me, as well as regulars and people who hadn't attended in a while (1-2 years), making the participants quite diverse.
The meeting began with self-introductions. Perhaps due to the nerves of being a first-time participant, I momentarily forgot that everyone gathered here is a “father raising a child with a disability or developmental concerns.”
Each person shared a bit about their children and families, and empathy arose with thoughts like, "Ah, that's the same as us" or "That person is a senior father."
When people find commonalities with others, the distance between them naturally shrinks. Fathers, too, must feel the desire to "talk about things they can't usually discuss" and "want empathy."
And then, surprisingly, even as a first-time participant, I was able to smoothly integrate into the space.
A Storm of Empathy
The Usagi Shokudo began when a participant expressed, "There is no space for fathers to talk!" Indeed, it is hard to imagine fathers discussing various aspects of parenting.
Moreover, I believe that discussions among colleagues, friends, or peers are also quite rare. Additionally, being a father raising a child with a disability or developmental concerns is uncommon.
In such situations, one might think, "People raising typically developing children cannot understand this difficulty," and somewhat close their hearts. I have experienced this as well.
It is said that "empathy is important" when talking to women, but men also want empathy. How much lighter one feels when they can empathize and be empathized with.
At Usagi Shokudo, there is no worry about "not being able to receive or give empathy."
- Stopping by a convenience store for a breather before heading home from work
- Trying to make time for oneself as much as possible
- Oh, I can't make time for myself...
There were many statements that resonated deeply, such as "Oh, I totally understand." When what you say is accepted with "That's right," it brings a sense of relief.
Courage to Take a Step Forward
Participating in Usagi Shokudo does not require you to actively discuss your situation or troubles. I think it's perfectly fine to just enjoy casual conversations. No one will blame you for that.
I hope it can be well-utilized as "another place" with a different environment, as a place where you can "bare yourself just a little."
However, gaining that environment also requires the courage to take a step forward. Instead of thinking, "My story doesn't matter..." why not casually participate?
The next event is scheduled for October 2024.
Data on the Consultation and Discussion Space for Fathers "Usagi Shokudo"
| Name | Consultation and Discussion Space for Fathers "Usagi Shokudo" |
|---|---|
| Date | ※The location for the August 3 event was "Snack Edition" at "Okayama Candy" near JR Kurashiki Station |
| Location | 5-17 Kitakasuga-cho, Mizushima, Kurashiki City (Minna no Ouchi Haru House) |
| Participation Fee (including tax) | 2,000 yen (includes drinks and food) Advance registration required |
| Website | Certified NPO Parent Support Step Facebook Page |
